Oh! Apathy.

I feel poopy this week. No better way of saying it. That time of the month is upon me and it's not treating me well. I arrived at work on Monday with a "whatever" attitude - I didn't really try too hard and was just going through the motions to get through the day. Yesterday went a little better. Especially after I had my weekly process group with my clients (and flowers arrived outside our window for the clients to plant for Earth Day today). I have a client who is extremely apathetic right now. I won't get into her story, but it makes sense that her stay in rehab would be a very apathetic experience for her. I love how my clients will band together to support their peers in treatment when they are struggling. Each of them (including me) had dealt with apathy in our own ways and could identify with her in some way. As they processed each one of their experiences, they threw out words that describe apathy like: lonely, dark, scary, hopeless. When you can't even make yourself want to want something anymore, that IS a scary place. I think the devil likes apathy alot. Actually I know so. What a horrible ineffective place to be. I think we can be stuck in apathy in various areas of our lives. I'll admit that my life is rather "dry" in some areas. My relationship with the Lord is struggling at best. Ryan and I have been just so so. I have been apathetic about keeping our home tidy. My waistline is lacking attention for sure. ...But I haven't really been worried about any of it. Just "egh." So we talked about prayer in the group (that's the good thing about substance abuse...talking about your Higher Power is totally acceptable in this form of counseling). Asking God to make us want to want it. Baby steps. Specific prayer. Then when you want to want it, you pray that you want it more. When you want it, THEN you pray for the little things you need to change. The Scripture says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart" (Ps 37:4). I want Him to give me the correct desires. The desires that my heart needs to serve and glorify Him more. Lord give me DESIRE. Remove this apathy.